Caring For A Rescue Dog

Bringing a rescue dog into your life is an act of deep compassion; but it can also be confronting, exhausting, and emotionally complex. While the image of a joyful, loyal companion is what many people anticipate, the reality of living with a dog who carries trauma is often very different.

For dogs who have been mistreated, neglected, or uprooted multiple times, the human world can feel confusing and frightening. You might find yourself caring for a being who is hyper-vigilant, distant, reactive, or even shut down. 

It’s a journey that requires not just patience, but a shift in perspective; from ownership to caregiving, from expectation to presence, from fixing to holding space; this shift can make all the difference in how you cope with the challenges that present.

If you’ve imagined park strolls, cozy cuddles, and instant bonding, it can feel jarring when your new dog flinches from touch, paces for hours, or barks at the slightest sound. Remember that this isn't a failure; it’s a reflection of their lived experience. Rather than trying to “train out” their fear, try to meet it with compassion and curiosity.

Let go of the idea that your dog should behave a certain way. Instead, focus on who they are right now, and how you can help them feel just a little safer each day. Think of yourself not as their ‘owner’, but as a gentle companion and protector while they learn that the world no longer intends to hurt them.

Just like people, dogs respond to trauma in different ways. Some common signs include:

• Startling easily or reacting strongly to noise, movement, or strangers

• Avoidance of touch or flinching when approached

• Pacing, whining, or barking; especially at night

• Freeze or shutdown behaviour or being non-responsive or reluctant to get involved with any interaction

• Hyper-vigilance; constant scanning of the environment, unable to relax.

• Following you around every time you stand

• Separation anxiety or distress when you leave the room even go out for a short while.

None of these behaviours mean your dog is “bad” or broken. They are survival strategies; ways your dog has learned to cope with fear and uncertainty. And with consistent care, understanding, and time, many of these patterns can be reduced and soften.

Keep in mind that you are not here to fix your dog; you’re here to support them. This means creating an environment where their nervous system can regulate and move from survival mode to safety. You don’t need to rush or make progress quickly, this is not a reflection of you, it is just a sign that they need longer to feel safe. 

When things seem particularly challenging try to ask: 

What could I do to help you feel safer? 

What can I do that helps you trust me? 

What can I do to help you?

This might include:

• Offering predictability; same routines, gentle voice, slow movements

• Giving them autonomy; letting them choose when to interact, where and when to rest, where to go for a walk, which food they want.

• Providing a safe den; a quiet space with comfy bedding and no foot traffic so they can retreat when they want.

• Speaking less and listening more. Try to tune into their body language and gauge what they may need at this time. 

• Being calm and relaxed in yourself can help your dog co-regulate with you.

It’s common for rescue dogs to struggle at night. They may wake frequently, bark, whimper, or pace. Night time is when the world is quiet and trauma memories and anxiety may surface more strongly.

Some strategies to help:

• Leave a soft light or radio on to reduce disorienting silence

• Use calming aids like Adaptil diffusers or vet-approved natural supplements may help lessen the intensity, however your reassurance, patience and love will help them more.

• If they wake you, respond gently but consistently; you’re building trust

• Try letting them sleep nearby or next to your bed to help them feel secure

Just like with a frightened child, it’s not about “spoiling” them; it’s about meeting a need for safety. You’re helping to rewire their experience of the night from a time of threat to a time of rest. If you were upset and stressed and someone just kept throwing food your way, you would wonder what is wrong with them. 

Your dogs want your attention and time; not treats or other distractions that

diminish your quality attention and presence. 

Dogs are emotional beings. They feel our stress, our fear, our peace. When you are regulated; calm, grounded, and patient, they begin to mirror that. This is called co-regulation.

Try:

• Breathing slowly and deeply when your dog is anxious so you become their anchor. When they see that you are calm it helps them to feel safe and realise that there is no danger present.

• Moving calmly and predictably; avoid rushing, or loud voices

• Don’t try to force your agenda on to them, let them take their time.

• Grounding yourself before engaging; especially if you’re tired or frustrated

Remember, you don’t need you to be perfect. Just present and willing.

As an example, I worked with a dog who didn’t like to have her harness put on. I sat on the floor with her holding the harness near me while talking to her, stroking her and telling her how lovely she is. I moved the harness closer and when she backed away I moved the harness away too.

I sat like this with her for nearly 45 minutes, I didn’t try to grab her, chase her, give her treats or do anything coercive or forceful. I just offered her safety and co-regulation. Soon she came to me and stood in front of me and let me put her harness on. It was such a beautiful moment for us both. 

Keeping yourself calm is important for you and your dogs wellbeing and once you’ve gained their trust and are consistent with it then things move forward from there.

However, when you’re constantly attending to a dog’s fear or anxiety, burnout can be a real possibility. It is important to remember that you matter in this relationship too, and that you need to consider yourself too. Like putting your own oxygen mask on first. You are not there to be perfect, to fix or change anything. 

You are there to give them the best chance of safety and a good life that works for both of you. It is important to give yourself the same consideration you give your dog. 

Start to - 

• Build in breaks and do the things you need to do. If possible tag team with a partner, friend, or trusted sitter.

• Have people around and don’t isolate yourself and just stay at home just so the dog doesn’t bark when you leave. Talk to people who understand rescue dog life and give yourself permission to enjoy your life too. 

• Rest when you can. Take short naps, moments of stillness, nourishing food or anything else that makes you feel nurtured and revived.

• Acknowledge your feelings of frustration, grief, resentment as normal. What you are doing is tough and it can take its toll on you. Make plans to do things that help you feel good.

• When you’ve put in the work and helped your dog relax and feel safe then they will start to act differently. You will see them grow in confidence and not be stressed at the old things that used to worry them.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You’re doing something incredibly difficult. Offering safety to someone who may never have known it is tough. Once you have put in the ground work and built trust you will be glad you did as it will make all the difference to your dogs life and your own quality of life too.

Compassion does not mean leaving yourself out of the picture for another. Compassion is for all and is all inclusive. 

Having boundaries in place for you and for them are part of a trusting relationship. 

This might look like:

• Gently guiding your dog away from unsafe behaviours or potential triggers calmly and without fear or stress.

• Saying “not now” to interaction if you’re depleted is setting a positive example and lets the dog know that you will interact later but not now.

• Ensuring you and they have physical and emotional space when needed.

• Being honest with yourself and your dog about what you can offer today.

Trust is built on mutual respect. Your dog is learning to trust that you won’t harm them or lead them into danger. You can trust that they’re doing their best with what they’ve been through and the new experiences they are learning through you. And together you begin to co-create something new; not based on obedience or perfection, but on connection and trust.

Welcoming a traumatised dog is a quiet revolution. It challenges every 

message you may have received about what dogs should be and instead invites you into deep empathy, patience, and presence. You’re not alone on this path. There is no timeline, no perfect formula. Only two beings, learning how to be with each other, day by day. You are not failing if it’s hard. You are caring. And that matters more than you know.

If you are interested in taking this further, you can sign up to my 14 Day Connect With Your Dog email journey, or take my Mindful Caregiving or Animal Communication Courses www.cathamilton.co.uk 

Please feel free to get in touch if you have any questions. I would love to hear from you.